Third release of the day. One more chapter after this… Hopefully, although it will probably take a few hours longer to get out since I’ll be taking a break for a while.
When I Returned From Another World I Was A Silver Haired Shrine Maiden: Chapter 45
Becoming A Woman (Part 4)
At dinner time, when I came downstairs for the first time since coming home, there was something different than usual among the dishes lined up on the table.
「Umm, mom… this is…」
With a cramped face I ask my mom who is washing dishes.
「Steamed rice with red beans. Considering that you had your first time today it’s natural we celebrate it as a family.」
Incidentally, I feel like I have a faint memory of eating steamed rice with red beans to celebrate Yuna.
Because I was still a primary school student at the time I didn’t understand the meaning, I had just thought that having rice with red beans was unusual… There was also an impression that Yuna was incredibly shy at the time.
「… Though you say celebration, is having your first period really a happy occasion?」
It seems like it’s only an annoyance to me.
「It is. Having it means that the time has come when you can now have children. That’s a joyous thing.」
「Ye, yeah… Though I don’t want to ever have a child.」
I can’t even imagine giving birth to a child. Just thinking of being embraced by a man is more than enough to make me feel sick.
If anything I want to be with a girl… Does this make me a lesbian?
「That’s fine for now. It’s natural that you can’t think of having a child at your age. However, there may be a day in the future where you fall in love with a man and want to have a child.」
Though it was a rather casual statement, the words felt like a needle in my chest.
My taste of food and clothes had changed as I became more familiar with Alicia’s body. So, my heart is also adjusting to this body. It makes me uneasy for mom to tell me that I may come to love a man and want to have a child.
I can deny it now. But in 5 or 10 years I don’t know if I will be able to deny it in the same way.
While I’ve been in this body I’ve unknowingly changed, I feel a squirming feeling. The illusion of something wriggling in my body makes me feel sick.
I will lose myself, such a fear comes over me and I almost start to cry unintentionally.
「… Are you okay? You look pale.」
My mom calls out to me in a worried voice.
「… For a moment I felt a little unpleasant… I’ll sit down and rest until everyone else comes.」
「Ah, yes. Because it’s still the first day. Be careful about anemia.」
My mom doesn’t doubt my words because she thinks my poor physical condition is due entirely to the symptoms of my period.
I don’t remember much after that.
My head was spinning and I had no appetite. However, I didn’t want to disregard my mom’s feelings, so I did my best to eat a little of the rice.
— After that, I couldn’t eat anything else due to my nausea.
※ ※ ※
『Ikuto-san, I will cut my consciousness today as well.』
Alicia declared this to me who was lying exhausted on the bed.
『Ah, is today okay? … I don’t think I would want to do it in this situation.』
『If I make days where I do cut it and days where I don’t… I will be aware of when Ikuto-san does it, that…』
Alicia tells me this like it’s hard to say. So that’s it. I can understand not wanting to know about the solo activity of others.
Besides, I don’t think it’s necessary to force her to stay with me when I’m in this type of physical condition…
I heard Alicia’s worried voice as I was thinking such a thing.
『Ikuto-san is feeling uneasy right now, why don’t you try consulting with your family?』
『I understand to some extent. It isn’t only your physical condition, because I don’t think this condition is that painful… What’s causing Ikuto-san pain, is your heart.』
However, I can’t admit it. My troubles are caused by being a woman, and if Alicia comes to know that, she will feel responsible.
While I look down and keep silent, Alicia sighs.
『Ikuto-san’s stubbornness. I have never regretted that my body is missing more than now. If I had a body, I would be able to hug you…』
Alicia says with a slightly sulky voice.
『I’m going to cut the connection. I think you might find it easier to talk to them if I’m not there. … With that, I will be glad if you are able to say good morning tomorrow with a smile.』
『… I’m sorry. Good night, Alicia.』
『Good night, Ikuto-san.』